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[Val Phoenix]

I'm dating a guy that is nine yrs older than me,he is 26 and i'm 17 I really like him and he likes me (I think) but I'm starting to wonder if he is just with me cuz I'm not as busy as women that is his age so I have more time to spend on him.I never really dated an older man before, so I'm just wondering could those be his intentions?

[politicgirls]

hmmm.... well every man is different. There is a possibility that he could just be there for sex, or just a casual hook-up till he finds a girl his age. I wouldn't know, since I don't know the guy.


Since your questioning it, I would go and have a serious heart to heart talk with him. You should determine what he and you want out of the relationship. Its important to have some idea towards what you both want. You may want something serious, while he may want something casual.


My boyfriend is 5 yrs older then me. So I know what its like to date someone older. Its a great experience. At the start I made it clear that I wanted to have something long-term and he was looking for the same thing. We've both had a few stressed times in the relationship, but we've made it through it.


You just need to talk it out. Get the issues up front to find out where its going.

[Selesta]

Age doesn't matter in a relationship, it's the connection that counts. And like politicgirls said, do talk to him about what you want from this relationship.

[Nikollas]

If it helps, I'm dating a man who is 8 years older than me- he's 26 and I'm 19. We've been together for 8 months and we're doing great. It's true that every man is different, but age doesn't have to play into it. Whatever his reasons for dating you, they would be the same if he was your age.

[Anjuta1973]

well i would say that considering that you're still a teenage and he is well on into the 20's age would be a big issue. i would never date someone 9 years younger than me because of mentality. however if you two are fine with it, so be it. raverboy

[Frodo]

I dont think age matters too much- my parents are about 9 years apart. Their right, its about the connection between the two of you. If everything seems to be going okay- then go for it!

[Bill Mortensen]

I think that it depends on alot of factors - you cannot universally say that age matters or doesn't matter. What you need to determine is are your goals and needs similar? Are you in the same place MENTALLY in your life?


I dated someone who was 15 years older than me when I was 18 - we broke up quickly when we realized he was looking for a wife and I just wanted someone to date and have fun with. I also went on a few dates recently with someone 7 years younger than me - this time I realized I wanted to settle down and he needed to go out and experience the big wide world. In both situations it wasn't really the age difference that did us in - it was where our heads were at.

[Tom]

Age doesnt matter - I am a firm believer in this. You can be 30 years old, but have the maturity of a 15 y/o. And you can be a 15 y/o and have the maturity of a 30 y/o.


What matters is the maturity level the person is at.

[Anjuta1973]

age is a number like billy said but there are other factors like the maturity level. that is basically the bottom line. let's say for example this guy is what?? 24?? yet he acts like he is 18. their would be around the same age mentally, but age wise there is a huge difference. if they act and feel about the same age, i would say stick with it, but then there are many guys would take advantage of the unknowing youngan. raverboy

[Bandit]

Yep, it's all about maturity, and we all mature differently.


It gets tougher to judge when the younger member of the relationship is very young. You say there is a 9 year difference. Let's assume for the sake of simplicity that everyone matures pretty much at the same rate. Now, by the time you are 9 years old, he is 18. The maturity level is a world of difference between a 9 year old and an 18 year old. But fast forward 9 years. Now you are 18 and very much more mature than 9, but he's 27 and the maturity he obtained was not as drastic as yours. If numbers make sense to you, at 9 and 18, you are at 50% of his maturity level. At 18 and 27, you are at 66%. And by the time you are 100 and 91, you're practically right there with him at 91%.


Ah, numbers..they are your friend.


Freddie


ps. My favorite number is 3.

[Nikollas]

LMAO! Freddie, you slay me!

[vehtopunt_rx]

I agree with Billy.


And Freddie, all I can say is, "Bravo."


Way to break down dating to a formula. I didn't think it could be done, but WOW!!!!


Rod Steele

[sarinka]

It all depends on individual people really, as before mentioned. However I have to add the warning to be careful with older men, a lot of the time there's a reason why they are going after a female much younger. Just keep it in the back of your mind, it can't hurt to be aware.

[sekopunt_pr]

I think most men who date teenagers have serious issues. 26-17 seems like a big difference to me. I'm 24 and there's no way I could see myself with someone below 20.


Anyway, it's possible that you are mature for your age and that he's genuine about the relationship.

[Nikollas]

I don't think it is fair to say that. I know that my age has nothing to do with the reasons that my boyfriend is interested in me. I'd say that if we're talking a 40-something-year- old guy, that's one thing. But just based on maturity levels and life stages, anything within ten years really isn't that big of a leap! At least in my opinion...

[vehtopunt_rx]

If you're talking about "life stages" then I think there's a big difference between someone who is long out of college and someone who hasn't even been to one. So in THAT case, 26 and 17 would be a very big "life stage" difference.


Rod Steele

[Bandit]

Like it has been said, also, every guy is different.


I've made friends while on vacation in the beach or something, with girls much younger, but older looking. You know how quickly kids grow up these days. I was like 22 and she looked about 18 or 19 and I approached this girl. Turns out she was 13! I didn't want to seem like I was just interested in one thing so I continued conversating with her and we remain friends to this day. It's happened on other ocasions, where I meet a girl who turns out to be much younger, but I don't date them...I just like to talk to them and pass on some knowledge. Maybe it's the teacher in me. Maybe it's me inflating my sense of worldly knowledge by teaching someone who obviously has a lot they can learn from me, being 10 years behind. Either way, they end up amazed to be talking about some serious things with someone who (in their eyes) is so knowledgable and rounded and is taking them seriously too, challenging their ideas and making them think. I think a lot of teens are capable of thinking and have some good ideas sometimes. That's evident in this forum. I think there are plenty of teenagers who put in a cohesive two cents in and defend their points of view or learn new ones when someone disproves them.


Although I've stopped talking about romantic relationships with younger girls, these friendships also have potential to be a controversial matter because of the influence an older person can have on a younger one. Should parents be the only ones to influence their children until a certain age/maturity level?


Freddie

[Marcus Indigo]

I don't think it's possible for parents to be the only ones who influence their children until they're older, unless they lock them in a box. Nor is it healthy. One of the big problems with the way society has "progressed" is that we have moved from inter-generational mixing (and I don't just mean romantically, but in all areas) to spending time only with people our own age. There is so much to be learned for younger people by spending time with someone who has been around even a little longer. And there is so much joy for those who are older, in seeing the fresher point of view of someone younger. Parents should certainly be the main adult influence in a child's life, but to make them the only adult influence, would be depriving them of some great experiences.

[eidosbd]

HEY! that's the drama i'm in! ya it totally sux when you want it to work. even if everything is against you. i'm 25 and she's 17. but i ain't gonna go to jail for a girl! in the mind she acts 23 but it's still no excuse to go for anyone younger than you are. just imagine if you two were to live your whole lives together...who'd die first???

[Marcus Indigo]

i don't think it really matters who dies first, women generally live longer anyway o_O


It's about life stages, as was mentioned in another topic, and more importantly about statutory rape

[Tom]

MY "circle of friends" has all kinds of ages ranging from 11 all the way to 50 something (charles wont tell us his age except for that he is 50 something - lol). I learn alot from all ages - even my own (20). Older people have life's experiences. Youth brings open mindedness and creativity. When both worlds mix together you can have some pretty fucking great experiences. And also I found that maturity seems to grow ALOT faster when this kind of group hangs out often. Its pretty funny actually, when I meet new people.. They automatically assume I am older. I've had someone tell me I looked 36, but most of the time they say I look 26-30. I dont believe it is in the looks, I believe its in the maturity level.. I know I act alot older than I am, and I grew out my facial hair again so that I look as old as I act - but without the hair, I believe I look 16.. maybe 18. I dont get carded for smokes anymore. And I am sure if I attempted to buy beer I would not be carded. But I am not dumb enough to attempt it. knowing my luck I'll get busted.


But alas, back to my point. All people should hang out with older AND younger people. And I am not talking just a few years difference. Go the max. You'll grow wiser and smarter faster.

[eidosbd]

MAINLY statutory rape! but ya also, regarding different ages, just because someone acts more responsible than the other person, the younger of the two could see that as a stage in her life and later on, she might decide that she needs to live life more active and dump the old fogey. that's what i'm afraid of too. totally sux.

[Marcus Indigo]

exactly. At age 17 a girl, no matter how mature she may be, needs to have more time to experience life as an adult, and see what else is out there. At 25, we've been doing that for 7 years and are maybe getting kinda sick of it, or at least are ready for something more

[Nikollas]

LOL! Okay, what it comes down to is that NO ONE can say what is or is not right for a person. If SHE is okay with the difference in age, and HE is okay with it... then that is all that needs to be said. People generalize so much about "people this age" and "people that age". It's not something that really can be generalized because everyone is different. Yeah, at 17 a person has a lot of life to experience. But it's THIER choice as far as how they want to experience it. If they want to experience it through a relationship with an older person, more power to them.

[Marcus Indigo]

very true. However, I have been 17 and it wasn't THAT long ago And at the time, I thought I knew a lot more about life than I actually did. I sometimes wish that I hadn't been able to make the choices that I made back then, because I didn't realize how they would affect my life. And I'm not a dumb blonde. I just hadn't had enough life experience to understand certain things.

[Bandit]

That's the big question to me: How to determine whether someone is mature or if they just think they are mature. Of course, at around 17 you have to be pretty damn mature to admit that you don't know shit. Now the other case is that you think you know it all...making you quite immature and, thus, vulnerable to influence of older minds that know how to mess with your psychology. Sometimes it can be a positive influence (I like to think in my case, I know I influence them in a positive way..telling them to do good in school and all that jazz) or it could be someone taking advantage of them, sometimes subconciously. Maybe a 40 year old man can convince himself that it's in the 18 year old's best intrest to be smitten by him so that she gets a responsible adult and he gets a lucious young wife. He figures it's a win-win situation for both..but he's just molding her to his benefit.


It's a matter of personal criteria. Nobody can say what the best way to influence a young one is.


Personally, I promote individual thinking. Present all the facts..both sides of the issue and then you can make up your own mind.


Freddie

[Tom]

...thus, vulnerable to influence of older minds that know how to mess with your psychology. Sometimes it can be a positive influence (I like to think in my case, I know I influence them in a positive way..telling them to do good in school and all that jazz) ...


OMFG.. THAKN YOU FREDDIE !!! You just gave me the greatest and bestest idea ever !


This girl I like, Elena.. she is 18. I am 20. Not much difference, but still I've noticed that she is part of my circle of friends, and she is one of the followers that seem to look up to me..


I like her alot and was thinking about dating her.. Then earlier today I found out she does coke (not the drink) and kinda just backed off of her.


Well, I still like her, and I think she likes me in return.. So I am going to try to influence her to not do drugs. Then she will be considered 'dateable' by me - and even if she doesnt end up dating me, at least I just saved a life.


Thanks Freddie.

[Bandit]

Well, I'm glad I sparked something to get you to jump into action.


Be careful with your approach..be smooth. I always get the best results by trying not to act like a parent. When they realize you respect them as a peer, they open up more and are receptive to sound advice as they will treat it as such, as opposed to treating it like a lecture to which they'll just close up their minds.


Freddie

[Nikollas]

Yeah, I know that especially at younger ages, people think they know a lot. I remember the way that I used to look at my life and I thought I had it all figured out. It's not so much about whether or not someone is mature enough to date an older person. I think it's more about whether or not a person is mature enough to live their life the way that THEY feel is right for them, and learn from their experiences. Dating an older man has been a great experience for me, I know. And I'm only 19 so I know that I have a ton of growing and learning to do.

[Anjuta1973]

Elysium, i think that you brought up a good point where you interact with people of different ages to get a different feel of life. we tend to forget that and usually adults stick with adults and children stick with children. i work in a resturant where i am one of the younger servers, and i feel that it's really hard to sometimes relate on a level with my other workers. however the hostesses and bussers are more towards my age, and i feel that i get along with them better. what i am missing is that within the older community of my working place, i find that i learn a lot of different aspect about life in general and this and that sorta shit. it's a good feeling and i wouldn't want to give it up. being that i am also around younger people, it reminds me of you younger days, and lets to let loose sometimes. it also reminds me that sometimes i have to be the mature one and not drink till i'm all fuct up. both sides of the fence is good for development.


civic..being that you're in the same situation as the author of this thread, i tell you not to worry..because you're starting to sound like a girl..hahah j/k. but statutory rape..that is going a bit far. and when it comes to dying and what not, who dies first?? for all you know, i could date a grandmother and die tomorrow, and life still wouldn't matter. what i'm saying is that you should live life for the moment. fuck the past and fuck the future, because you'll never know when it will come, or for that matter, come to an end.


also billy and nomas..and the maturity level. this is very true in that when people turn to an age that is a milestone, 13, 18, 21..so forth, they feel that they have reached a new level of maturity. i remember when i was 13, i thought was such a bad ass..walking all tough and what not. when i looked back to that age, i was only a kid, however at 18, i thought i was ready for anything. college, work, more girls... bring it on. basically when you reach an age that you have looked up to for some time, you will naturally think that you're more mature and that you have learned a few new things to add to this world. especically when you can look back and actually see the dumb things in life, it will only add to your ego. these are all good pionts that i had to comment on. raverboy